Tuesday, December 15, 2009

the trails left by those songbirds are dizzy to trace

this is my dear friend, theresa.
i have known her for a short while.
however she is exquisite and rare.
and i love her.
Many thanks to Theresa, for tolerating the paint. ;)

a disheveled bit of loveliness has exited the scene

one of my ap art slides
this week is starting to eat me up
and swallow me.
everything is falling on me and i am suffocated.
(figuratively AND literally)
my mother and i agreed that the broken zipper
to my choralaires dress
was "the damndest thing" we ever did see.

oh man.
this week i've had the additude
where i am just thinking "does anybody really care?"
how am i special?
how am i different?
how am i the same?
how do i fit?
i feel like there is no place for me.
at all.
and i don't really know where to go.
some dissapointing news has brought me sadness.
i need to keep in mind
that my God is near.
and prayer is powerful.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

when snow days come around

snow days are so magnificently lazy and great.

coloring books and movies with my sister and mother.
gi joes and frollicking in the snow with my brother.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

late tidings of greatfulness.

late, i know.

i am thankful for...
simple beauty
my God's unending grace.
legs to skip and dance.
arms to hug and create.
my sweet and patient mother.
my talented and generous father.
siblings that think i'm quirky.
giant magnificent leaves.
my room fit for a giant.
my sister and other half, Kelly Lynn Alexander.
nostrils to sniff nice essences.
rain to splash and jump in.
large windows that can open.
a good amount of food.
the piano.
a mouth to smile.
lips to kiss.
a best friend named Jessica Casares.
new and old friends.
education (even if it is too conrete and linear for my taste)
toilet paper.
my passion for art, people, and life.
happy belated thanksgiving to you!

If I could build a tree house and live in it, I would.

trees are
(especially the large kind)
so unconditional.
my safe spot,
and my canopy.
i am serene.
when i need to hide from life and take a breath,
trees are my refuge.
so now i'm saying thankyou
to the trees.
thankyou, trees.

i desire to slumber beneath a big shady tree in a soft field,
on a day with sun and clouds.
not too sweaty, not too shivering.
the branches serving as my canopy, and the soil as my pillow.
to be humbly grounded.
is where i'd like to be.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

my golden cape protects me

i have not cut my hair in a year, now.
that is astounding.
the ends are frayed
the hair skims the small of my back.
i have almost become attached to it.
i do not want to let it go.
it has been through so much with me this year.
it knows me well.
that sounds so silly.
oh my.
it is my golden cape,
protecting me from fears.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

i'd rather observe the trees than this font

i have not blogged for quite sometime
although i had a small part, the play has been keeping me busy.
finals are near.
i'm having a hard time studying.
in my brain,
school does not carry the urgency that it deserves.
i am aware that school determines your future.
especially for the age i am currently at.
but the weight is not there.
the play was fun.
i said my two lines
with as much passion
as i could muster (for only limited hours of sleep)
i had a blast, though.
and loved meeting other people who feel the same way.

life is too short to not forgive quickly.
i wish people would realize this.
i feel like everyone hides behind their problems.
builds their identity out of conflict.

anger ages you.

and an open spirit brings energy.
this is how i feel.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

spinning teacups in a dark abyss

i'm spinning in a teacup this week.
only i'm not turning the wheel.
all is blurry
where is the clarity?
everything is puzzling
what can i be sure of?
who can i allow behind
the doors
of my abode?
he is knocking
dare i answer?
right and wrong are so hazy.
are there such things as this?
do i dare enter any deeper into this abyss?
they are warning me not to.
they say they dont want me to get
swallowed up by the blackness

i feel like i already did

a long time ago.

did anyone notice?

Friday, October 23, 2009

i love human connection
especially the kind without words.
a mood or a look or a sound is all it takes.
this clarity is proving itself tonight especially.
and also i like knowing people.
and friends are good.
and jessicas pretty.
that is all.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

when i was a little girl, i wanted to create a fossil.

i gathered a smooth stone,

carefully picked a green leaf off of the aspen tree

in our front yard,

and placed it atop the stone.

i kept it in a shoe box in my closet.

i checked on it every day to see if it was a fossil yet.

i asked my teacher when it would becme one.

and after that my hopes of creating this

were non-exhistant.

as strange as this sounds,

this was more of a shock to me than santa not being real.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Don't you know that art resides in all seasons?

This is my dear friend shelly.

She has beautiful big blue eyes, and ginger hair.

She is making a silly face here...hehe

Art is everywhere.

You just have to see it.

Downtown Grand Rapids.

There is "ArtPrize"

Art everywhere.

My fantasy.

I need to raise money for london...

I am going to start painting a bunch of furniture.

And selling it.

My feet miss being bare.

As much as I love my old combat boots, they are restraining.

As are my pants.

I miss my shorts and flowy skirts.


I wish to be.

The flowers are dying.

Soon there will be none to put in my hair.

This saddens me.

But the leaves are changing.

The vibrant hues blossoming.

This does excite me.

Mhm. Yes it does.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i am not easy you are not noble

they have dented me
the male to female ratio is out of porportion.
i was drowning.
thankyou jessica. clare. eden.
your friendships mean the stars to me.
but because of these fellas in my life
i am left thinking i am awkward, dumb, "easy", etc.
because of the cutting knife escaping from your lips.

i would like an outdoor tea party.
with apple juice filling the tea cups.
and deep loving conversations galore.

the smell of old books makes me smile.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

a 5:52 am foggy morning stroll

i woke up one day this summer.
i was itching to be with nature.
but the kitchen clock read 5:52
this would not stop me.
i grabbed juaquin (my cannon)
slipped on my chucks.
And headed outside.
i was welcomed by fog.
it was thick but still mellow.
a little frightening, what with the fog and funny noises emerging from the forest.
but wonderful just the same.

Monday, September 7, 2009

over the summer, my digital clock remained unplugged.

i tried to make time not exhist.

(time is my enemy, usually)

but tonight, the last night of summer

i am plugging it back in.

i can no longer pour my soul out upon a canvas,

not aware of how long i was wrapped up inside the creation.

i will miss this.

school and i do not mesh superbly well.

my mother explains me as a "square peg trying to fit into a round hole"

i would have to agree.

Friday, September 4, 2009

history, lips, love (and other things too)

smuggled starbucks into a movie today.
i hid it, secretly and securely in my bag.
i also constrained secret dissapointment when someone wasn't there.
oh well.

also, wishing i had a solid, unconditional friend here in michigan.
(or at least one who won't kiss me)
history, lips,
and love.
(and a few other things)
can provide your life with many awkward, sorrowful moments.

missing kelly.

my sister and best friend.

this week, i started teaching myself to play the piano by ear.
it is not easy.
but i can now play 2 songs.
i have concluded that piano is by far, the greatest instrument of all.
so extremely different from everything out there.
it is capable of such glorious, colorful sound.
i think i have fallen in love
with music.
piano clarifies this love.