there is a splendid secret carved upon noggin

mmm...

spinning teacups in a dark abyss

i'm spinning in a teacup this week.

only i'm not turning the wheel.

all is blurry

fuzziness

where is the clarity?

everything is puzzling

intricate

what can i be sure of?

who can i allow behind

the doors

of my abode?

he is knocking

dare i answer?

right and wrong are so hazy.

are there such things as this?

do i dare enter any deeper into this abyss?

they are warning me not to.

they say they dont want me to get

swallowed up by the blackness

i feel like i already did

a long time ago.

did anyone notice?

i love human connection

especially the kind without words.

a mood or a look or a sound is all it takes.

this clarity is proving itself tonight especially.

and also i like knowing people.

and friends are good.

and jessicas pretty.

that is all.

when i was a little girl, i wanted to create a fossil.

i gathered a smooth stone,

carefully picked a green leaf off of the aspen tree

in our front yard,

and placed it atop the stone.

i kept it in a shoe box in my closet.

i checked on it every day to see if it was a fossil yet.

i asked my teacher when it would becme one.

and after that my hopes of creating this

were non-exhistant.

as strange as this sounds,

this was more of a shock to me than santa not being real.